


The Dragon Queen, her Wolf Mate and the Lion King save Westeros!

by Prisioux



Series: Weird Westeros [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, Jaime is a lion, Lion King (1994) References, Parody, Season Seven Fix It, Self- Insert gone wrong, Self-Insert, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 08:52:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prisioux/pseuds/Prisioux
Summary: Daenerys Targaryen has a glimpse into a very stupid, highly costly future and decidesthe best way to move forward is to embrace her newfound love for The Lion King, the Disney classic and...ait a second, how come she knows about the Lion King?and why is Jaime Lannister all about Simba now?





	The Dragon Queen, her Wolf Mate and the Lion King save Westeros!

**Author's Note:**

> Because I am trash , instead of finishing my stories, I came up with a ridiculous one.
> 
> What can I say? I had been a bit down and this brought a smile on my face...
> 
> Also, I do not have a Beta, so beware of typos and grammar.

I watched the whole thing in disbelief.

Nothing made sense.

Cersei had Qyburn grew her a new brain  or, perhaps, they stole Tyrion´s because he sure as hell was not thinking straight.

Then Jon, already not the sharpest tool in the box, decided the best way to defeat the Night King was to give said King a dragon!

Why? Just because Tyrion convinced everyone it was a good idea to reason with madwoman, to parlay with a terrorist?

Really?

REALLY?

I got so mad that I had to leave.

To get me through those troubling times I decided to skip Rose´s afterparty, go straight home, open another bottle of wine and  watch " The Lion King" for the hundreth time....

But I never made it though- I did not pay attention as I crossed a street and a car hit me- and when I woke up, I was not myself.

 

***

Daenerys Targaryen had learned to believe in her dreams- but this particular one could not actually been considered a dream, but a nightmare.

_I lost my allies, Viserion died ,  my advisors were good for nothing and , in the end, I was fooled by my enemies…_

A voice inside of her- one Daenerys had never heard before- urged the rightful Queen of Westeros to fight back, to make sure that future would never come to pass.

In all her life, Daenerys had never felt more... _alive._..more sure of herself...the voice inside her was adamant she would be victorious, that all those who opposed her would be defeated.

But most of all, he voice was sure about Jon Snow- about him being Daenerys destiny.

_Well...now that I know what I know, I would be stupid not to use the knowledge to my advantage...and Jon, being Aegon...well, it just make things even easier._

_***_

Daenerys decided to change her atitude to begin with- and stopped listening to Tyrion, who, although  well intentioned, had to be the worst Hand of the Queen in recent History.

Unfortunetly for the little man, The Queen adopted a no- bullshit approach to things, and did not even wait for her second in command to give her the bad news.

Ever since she left the bed, Daenerys started shouting orders left and right, changing their plans and personally took over the command of her Fleet and Army.

She was a Warrior- Queen after all.

“I will get this Euron Greyjoy person unawares- he does not expect me to fuck him up in the as- Hahaha.”

Daenerys laughed hysterically for another full minute, droplets of the wine she was drinking were now staining her new, serious, armour like  dress. “ I hate this shit- winter is not here! NOT HERE I SAY!”

Another round of hysterical laughing and Missandei got alarmed: “ Your Grace, not that I worry about your sanity- _not that_ \- but why all those orders? The Dothraki are not known for being good sailors…”

“...no, but they are the fiercest killers there are, and besides, the ships are being crewed by the more experienced sailors that attacked Meereen, remember?” Daenerys was seething inside- why people kept forgetting that she left a Council of capable advisors to help Daario rule Meereen until they could chose a new leader, or that she only burnt three ships and executed only two Masters before heading to Westeros? “ Those Unsullied were especially trained for sea battle. They had not expected dragons, thus I was able to defeat them, but I am sure they will take care of the Iron Born without problems. I believe my people.”

Missandei nodded- her Queen _always_ knew what to do.

Nonetheless, they were now in Westeros, a land who saw them as barbarians. Even though Daenerys was technically Westerosi, she had left as a baby. Missandei suspected the political game to be far more complicated  here than int Essos and this troubled her. Daenerys, she knew, was a good, kind soul who  would not stop until she left the world a better place than she had found- but the way in wich she went about things...might not be appreciated by those High Lords Tyrion spoke so often about...

Despite the uncertainty of their quest, Missandei faithfully  concluded that everything would be worthy it. After all, it was the greatest of honours to serve Daenerys, of House Targaryen, First of her Name…

 

***

_Uh-ho...time to meet Jon Snow in that cave!!!_

Well, since this whole relationship had been about the only good surprise Westeros had offered Daenerys- okay, Jorah coming back had also been a highlight- the rightful ruler of Westeros decided to go through all that unnecessary dialogue and those First Men doodles insanity just for the sake of her romance.

With one _small_ alteration :they would be having sex as soon as possible.

“Jon...you have something green on your teeth. “

The poor fellow looked flushed- he was obviously trying to look all mighty and sexy and to hear he had a chunk of that delicious, nutritive kale juice- smoothie, as the Queen called it- alloted in his perfect, white smile all but destroyed the image he was trying to project!

Daenerys saw the confusion overwhelming that beautiful, angsty, innocent face and smiled. Had things been different, she would have been promised to her nephew since her birth-and well, in her heart, she was a romantic. It was destiny, she decided, to meet and fall in love with her brother´s love child- no, she did not believe in all that crap about him not being a bastard.

The Iron Throne was hers, by right, for fuck´s sake!

Daenerys had no intention of losing time - or losing a dragon- to get intimate with her nephew.

“Let me help you, dear boy…”

 

***

After getting his face sucked by Her Grace at that cave ( _well, mayhaps I should indeed live in a cave!_ ), Jon supposed they were now on first name basis and, as much as he enjoyed their current activity, their enemies would not rest for much longer...

“Daenerys...not that I worry about our lives...but I believe you have a war to prepare?”

“Oh yeah...yeah, you are right, Aeg... _errr._..I mean, Jon.”

They left that cave in hurry, only to find Dumb and Dumber- Varys and Tyrion- nervously waiting outside.

One look at their apologetic faces and Daenerys clenched her fists- she had no patience for failures and well, they were failing her!

Davos, experienced as he was in dealing with ruthless Monarchs that resided on Dragonstone, saw the writing on the wall and did the only wise thing to do in such situations - tried to run for his life.

“ Maybe you should talk this over in private...”

Too late, for Daenerys lost it, right there, right then!

“Fuck I care about privacy! My allies are dying! DYING, I say! How can I call myself Queen if I cannot even protect those who swore allegiance to me?” Davos could not help but to agree with her logic- he thanked the Old Gods, the New, R´Lhor, the Drowned God, The Black Goat...well, all the gods really for not being Tyrion Lannister.

Daenerys, face red with anger, had no qualms about berating the little man in front of their associates and soon to be allies - she needed to get things off her chest before she was to save the world after all:

“Tyrion Lannister I do not like your plans! No, no, your plans are shit. I cannot believe I even agreed to it. All we had to do was infiltrate the Red Keep and kill that bitch you call sister. But no...you wanted to starve the population, right? Why the lives of your sister and brother are more important than of the small folk at King's Landing? You better stop trying to protect those clowns at my expense! But fear not, dear Lord Lannister, for I will correct your mistakes in ONE GO! How you ask? Well, I am not going to tell you! HAH! I am the Motherfucking Mother of Dragons that is how I will do it! And no cats disguised in lion's fur will defeat me- or make me look bad again, this I swear...”

“Your Grace...what should we…”

“ _We,_ you ask? Do not fool yourself, Lord Tyrion Lannister- it has become clear that a Dragon plants no trees and has very few friends! Enough with the clever plans- I will deal with Euron and protect Highgarden while you, my friend...you, with Lord Varys knowledge and, if I may ask, Lord Seaworth´s assistance, will infiltrate the Red Keep and get what has left of Ellaria and Yara.“

“But---Your Grace---this is ma…”

“MADNESS? Is that what you were saying, that I am MAD?? “

Tyrion looked aghast- madness was a word Daenerys had no wish to hear.  _Ever_. Yes, he had tried to save his sister and brother- and yes, he was aware this would probably cost hundreds, if not thousands of lives, but who could blame him? He loved Jaime...and Cersei would always be included in the package, because Jaime loved the harpy and was loyal to a fault.

Tyrion sighted. It was time, he decided, to stop playing around, be a man and accept his fate. He had survived two judgments, death in battle, various kidnapping attempt, life as a slave---mayhaps the end of the line was nearer than he thought.

Time to hit that bottle of wine he left at his chambers...

“As you wish, Your Grace...my only hope is to prove myself worthy of your trust!”

Daenerys just rolled her eyes. “ You know what? Just give me Yara and Ellaria back and your past mistakes are forgiven. “ This seemed to bring Tyrion some relief- it was good to know His Queen still had  a heart underneath her fury.

Before she was to mount Drogon, leave for The Reach and roll the dice, Daenerys had one more announcement to make: “Oh, by the way: if I am to die in battle, I hereby name the King in the North, Jon of House Stark- _my betrothed_ \- as my heir.”

It was too much: Jon fainted.

 

***

Lady Olenna was about to drink the poison when she heard the screams.

“DRAGON...AAaaaaaargh…”

The corners of her mouth turned upside and soon, she was laughing.

 

***

Daenerys located Bronn, that self serving sellsword whose only purpose was to crack wise and make Jaime Lannister look better than he actually was. _Not anymore, bitch_.

As she had expected, the ugly man led Daenerys straight to the Anti-Dragon machine, hoping to bring her down and get that stupid Castle the Lannisters had been promising him.

But Daenerys had other plans for him:

“DRACARYS!”

Goodbye, Bronn- nobody will cry for you.

Without the benefit of an Army at her back- the Dothraki should be at least one day away- Daenerys had to come up with some new strategies, since an epic, open pitch battle at this point would not only be pointless, but would bring her no real gain.

Thankfully, her dragons were hungry. All that flying, setting things on fire, eating fresh and running human beings they had engaged in while at Meeren had made their prolongued stay in that cursed place worthy it: the dragons were now more than ready to crash and burn the Lannister´s party, and knew exactly how to strike fear in the hearts of thounsands.

Daenerys set out to kill as many as possible. She ordered all her dragons to attack in a V shape formation she called “Death From Above “ and the results were disastrous...to the Lannisters, that is.

She suprised their forces at the right time- the Tarlys, judging the attack would be a success, had stayed behind, terrorizing the small folk at the nearby villages . Usually, protecting their rearguard would be a good idea- but not today. Daenerys  continued with the aerial attack. She would allow the Tyrells to get their revenge on the turn cloaks later on...

Daenerys managed to break their formation at once; she then set Rhaegal, the most spiteful of her dragons, to carefully grill only the Lannister soldiers, as the beast had been trained and understood the command “ RED” quite perfectly..

Viserion, on the other hand, could only be taught so much. Quite unfortunately really, the yellow dragon ate some Tyrell men in the confusion of battle, but well, this was war, right?

She would make sure that Lady Olenna paid those families reparations...

As long as she left most of the Tyrell´ soldiers alive and rescued Lady Olenna on time, Daenerys reasoned, she could  go on the next battle. With such a victory, the Tyrells could call their banners to bring the remainder Tarly- Lannister forces to their knees later on.

She was doing much of their work for her, but so was the nature of the Alliance- the Tyrells had never been talented when it came to war.

At last, the remaining Lannister´s soldiers, without a proper command since Jaime had stormed Highgarden, no doubt to taunt Lady Olenna, knelt and surrendered.

Daenerys gracefully accepted their offer, and once the path was cleared, she landed Drogon on the courtyard, asking him to stay nearby in case they would need to bring more Fire and Blood to the Tarlies.

Then, surrounded by her own “ 20 good men”, Daenerys broke into the Lady Dowager study, where Jaime Lannister, in all his glory, stood with a stupid expression on his face.

 

***

“Well, well, well...look who is here: Jaime “I am an emotional guy” Lannister himself!” Daenerys winked at Lady Olenna, who raised her goblet of wine -sans poison- and drank her good fortune.

“ You are such a despicable, weak, ill advised, one handed manchild ! The only good thing you did was killing my father, you know? A waste of space you are. By the way: killed your pal and that atrocious ballista you brought. You might be a loser, but you will make me a good hostage- I know you have experience being captured in battle, yes? A couple of times I heard? Even lost your fighting hand to one of your Lord Father´s former associates- here is hoping you do not lose the other one since I know they need even men like you at The Wall...”

Lady Olenna ordered a couple of  her guards to immobilize Jaime Lannister and smiled- the time to pay back had arrived.

“As I was saying, Cersei will be the death of you. Frankly, I hope her cunt was worthy it, stupid boy, because I dare say the next days will not be pleasant for you. I mean- it was all your fault, really-  had your cock been enough, Cersei would have actually kept her mouth shut and allowed the adults to conduct their business- but NO, you could not even keep your sister-lover satisfied with sex! No wonder she was all bothered with my Margaery, who gave that simple boy of yours, Tommen, the time of his life! HA! What was Cersei expecting, really? That the boy never got laid? Or that he made her His Queen- I mean, I heard of sister fucking brother, but not…”

“Stop...please...just _stop_!!!” Tears poured from Jaime´s eyes- what would become of his unborn baby? No, he could not say anything about the pregnancy- Cersei was not defeated- not yet. Hell, she might even manage to save herself and the fruit of their love if he played his cards correctly- surely, the last weeks had showed him that his sister had a brain after all !

Looking into the mad eyes of Daenerys Targaryen and the vile, toothless mouth of Lady Olenna, Jaime could only hope to buy enough time for Cersei to do a runner. 

But when Lady Olenna mentioned all that thing with his cock and Cersei´s mouth...by the Seven, why he had to get rock hard just at the mention of Cersei sucking him off?

_That is it: I do not deserve to live. I am a depraved, disgusting, unhinged sister fucker._

_“_ Just kill me, please...dragonfire will do...I cannot go on like this…”

“Give me the sword, your piece of shit.” A Dothraki named Rhand took Widow's wail from Jamie´s scabbard and promptly handed it to Daenerys. “ Since my betrothed, King Jon of the North, already has a Valyrian Steel Sword, one that he got not through treachery, but through merit, mind you,  I will gift this otherwise useless weapon to one of my most loyal men.”

She had once promised Jorah a Valyrian Steel Sword - more than time to honour said promise.

Besides, since Jon, as Head of House Stark, carried the Ancestral Sword of House Mormont, Daenerys found it was only fitting that a piece of Ice, the ancestral sword of House Stark, would end up in the hands of Ser Jorah, a son of Bear Island.

 

***

Lady Olenna had her least favorite nephew by marriage- a cowardly boy named Leo- return from the Citadel to Highgarden and planned to start training  the young man to succeed her son as Lord Tyrell - hopefully, nobody could be as bad as the Lord Oaf, the Seven bless his simple soul.

Leo Tyrell, of course, would now marry her Redwyne grandaughter- she had already wrote her son in law about it- and who was to say no to her, an ally to the dragon queen?

Truth be told, Lady Olenna longed to rest- but not before she considered her thirst for revenge properly quenched and this included not only defeating Cersei, but also make sure her line would not die out.

Her Grace had bid her ally to preside over the judgment of Lord Tarly, a bannerman who defied his Liege on the word of a madwoman, because the Targaryen girl had better things to do with her time than personally dealing with scum.

Lady Olenna sat with Daenerys, shared a meal with the young woman- and provided her with many advices. She knew better than to suggest one of her nephews by blood  as Consort to the Dragon Queen- but it would not _hurt_ to have the Targaryen be privatelly grateful to House Tyrell.

“I wrote all my relations of importance - Redwynes and Hightowers-  on your behalf and they agreed to swear fealty to you. A visit to Oldtown would not go amiss. On dragonback, it is just a couple of hours. It would send a great message, you see? To meet with Lord Hightower and the Citadel. Not to mention, an alliance with the Faith... since there is no Sept of Baelor anymore, we could organize a quick coronation at the Starry Sept, lending you even more legitimacy than your rival. Your ancestor on his first visit at Old Town emerged a greater man than he arrived- you have nothing to lose and much to gain”

Daenerys agreed- Euron Greyjoy could be fucked up without her being present. He did not deserve to see her face anyway. She lost no time, paid her respects to the dead soldiers and left Jaime Lannister in Lady Olenna´s custody- but made sure to mention she wanted him back and in one piece.

The Dragon Queen then flew with her guard to Oldtwon, where Lord Hightower already waited. There, they quickly negotiated the re-installment of his nephew as Lord Florent  and, by lunchtime, she had received the sacred oils from the hands of the old Septon at the Starry Sept, where all present nobles knelt and swore fealty to her- and her dragons.

 

***

The Maesters were exactly what Daenerys had expected- a bunch of frail looking, piss smelling, frightened older men.

“Use your accumulated knowledge for the greater good- I bid you all to assist in the research of the White Walkers. By the time I am to march to The Wall, I want to know everything there is to know about our greatest enemy.”

A fat, grey rat Daenerys did not even care to know the name protested:

“ But those were just legends- this enemy does not exist!”

“Raise your hands whoever is in agreement with the last statement.” She rolled her eyes : about one third of the room had raised their hands. “ Congratulations for having willingly agreed to be among the first to leave for The Wall- the Black Brothers are in great need of healers, scribes and cooks I heard.“

Before they could protest, Lord Hightower simply nodded to Daenerys and loudly addressed the whole Conclave:

“ As you wish, Your Grace- I will meet with the Seneschal and organize their transportation to the North as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, my Lord Hightower- now,  I need to speak with some acolyte named Samwell Tarly, one who treated my dear friend, Ser Jorah Mormont and saved him greyscale…”

 

***

Daenerys could only speak with Jorah through a small window- he was still in quarantine, but confirmed he had been healed. The treatment consisted of being skinned alive, then all affected  areas smeared with shea butter and finally, Jorah had been bandaged with bland watery lettuce leaves- a details he personally found it repulsive.

Eventually, Daenerys managed to sit down with the fat Maester to be for five minutes- she really had better places to go, not to mention, a certain man named Jon to fuck.

“You must have already heard that your Lord Father betrayed his Liege and waged war against not only the rightful Queen- myself- but also Highgarden. He, alongside your brother, were captured. The Lady Dowager Olenna has named a young man named Leo Tyrell as her successor, but it is still her prerogative to judge those who tried to usurp her. Now, seeing that I owe you a personal favor, I wrote Highgarden and suggested the penalty to be commuted to service at The Wall- understand that this is all the mercy I am allowed to show in such case.”

Samwell Tarly had no love for his Father- but his poor brother…

Well, he supposed this is what you get by being a follower.

Deep down, he knew this Dragon Queen had all but condemned his father and brother to death- Lady Olenna was notoriously vicious- but had they not brought this fate onto themselves?

Samwell thanked the woman, nevertheless.

The fat man decided to be bold- and at least try and save Dickon.

“Your Grace...my Lord Father---he will never agree to The Wall. I am afraid Dickon, my brother, would follow him to the bitter end- could you please ask Lady Olenna to send Dickon to The Wall regardless?”

Daenerys partially agreed- she would not go as far as undermine Lady Olenna if the matron decided Dickon could pose a threat to her nephew in the future. However, she supposed she could suggest such course of action- The Wall needed fighters anyway.

“Of course, I will make this suggestion, but I cannot guarantee it will be accepted. If he refuses, they will be executed, do you understand? Wall or Death, seeing as it is not in the land´s interests to have House Tarly die out, I will ask the Lord Commander to release you from your Vows and have you confirmed as a Lord.”

Daenerys said her goodbyes, left Oldtown, stopped at Highgarden, collected Jaime “Simba” Lannister, and head off the Dragonstone- where she would work on making a baby with her unsuspecting nephew.

 

***

“Your Grace...I am afraid we have bad news.”

Cersei Lannister sat there immovable, impassible, as her Hand of the King- and best friend forever- listed her most recent defeats.

Casterly Rock- not only the dragonwhore took it, but she woul keep it, since she pissed on the IronBorn and had Euron Greyjoy´s head on a spike to proof.

Some envoy of hers found the Freys had all been murdered, freed Edmure Tully from his captivity and the Dothraki Hordes were “cleaning the land of Lannister´s filthy” as the locals put it.

The Vale brat had already declared for The North, and since The North had declared for the Dragonwhore...

Not to mention the disaster that was Highgarden.

Cersei, however, would not go down without fighting. She was a lioness of the Rock!! She would crush her enemies with ... _fire and blood?_

 _Nah_ , better take the bitch down through treachery- and get her brother back in the process.

“ We still have two valuable hostages…”

“Your Grace, I am afraid they escaped.”

Cersei could not hold any longer- what was dignity when you literally lost your last coin?

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!”

 

***

Tyrion Lannister had to admit that the Dragonqueen knew how to throw a feast…

The wine was flowing, the food was plenty and even the weather was holding up.

The world was Daenerys Targaryen´s oyster- and Tyrion had nothing to do with her success.

He was useless.

A hard pill to swallow- but swallow he would.

And Jaime.... _poor,_ Jaime!

 

***

“Missandei” Daenerys whispered in her friend´s ears “ is our Lion King ready for the reveal?”

Stoic, dignified, reserved Missandei burst into laughter- this punishment Her Grace, Queen Daenerys of House Targaryen, First of Her Name etc… had devised to this man everybody called “ Kingslayer” was among her best ideas.

 “Yes, You Grace- the seamstress worked night and day and follow your drawings to the letter.”

The large Dothraki named Rhand informed Her Grace that her special guest was ready for the reveal.

Daenerys then raised herself from her place of honour at the High Table and made the announcement. “ Friends, tonight we celebrate a great victory. The war is far from over, but let's rejoice in our accomplishments. As no feast is complete without proper entertainment and , since Winter is coming, we cannot waste our resources. I had to improvise and find new talent among our captives !Without much ado...I give you…

The sound of Dothraki drumms invaded the hall...a thundering applause followed and then...a deep, cultured voice with a slight Essosi accent began the tale:

“Welcome to the Pride Lands! Home to some of the most glorious animals in our world. I am Rafiki and I am here to tell you the story of one special lion who lives here...a lion who holds a very special place in my heart…”

The light was suddenly cast and their entertainment revealed:

Jaime Lannister was no more…

He was now...

“ Simba...THE LION KING!!!”

 

***

Jaime was giving his everything- in his mind, his best performance so far- but oh boy, they were not having it!

The Dothraki, he reminded himself, were known for being a specially tough audience...and the Unsullied, the poor guys, they really had no time for easy laughter, had they?

But the absolute worst were the northerners…

_The bastards...would it kill them to crack a smile?_

They still hated Jaime.

_What have I done to them?_

_Ah yes...I  tried to kill Brandon Stark, a boy of ten...then I killed Jory, a very popular guy in those cold lands...then I maimed Ned Stark- and accepted his reforged sword without questions. Had I been a Knight with Honour, I would have sent it to The North...well, not really, since my Father had them all killed.Oh, yes, not to mention: I promised Lady Stark to return their daughters to safety and did absolutely nothing in this regards..._

Jaime sighted- no, he could not count on the northerners to give him a round of applause.

Tough shit, as it was made very clear to Jaime that , in case his performance failed to satisfy Her Grace, he would go without supper.

During his week long preparation to take on such a challenging role, and aware of the importance of the task at hand, Jaime, In desperation turned to Varys, who had been a mummer once, for professional advice:

“ Know your audience, my Lord…and who you need to please to survive.”

Jaime counted himself lucky. He had not been tortured. Daenerys still had not found out about Cersei´s pregnancy. He could not complain about the way he was being treated, if he was being completely honest. Seven Hells, the Targaryen girl had even saved him from a destiny worse than death- that Rhand guy, Jaime could swear it, was giving him the doe eyes, and just biding his time to have his way with the former Kingsguard.

But this new stint as a prisoner of war had not been without its lows and his other hand had been taken from him.

All because the dragon queen came too late to Highgarden. As the story went, she had been held at The Citadel for longer than anticipated, something to do with "grey rats not doing their jobs”  and Lady Olenna, assuming her Queen had forgotten about the Lannister General, went along with her own plans and had her twin guards cut Jaime´s only hand left as payback

Now Jaime had two stubbles where he once had two perfectly capable hands. _I will never yield a sword again._ Truth be told, his fate, so far, had been less tragic than he had deserved- and those Essosi folks, once you got to know them, were actually not _that_ bad. The brown skinned seamstress from Meereen,  for example, a middle aged woman who had seen better days, took pity on him and had his costume extra padded where the paws where, which had worked splendidly. As he walked in all fours, trying to mimic the movements a Lion would make as the narrator continued the story, Jaime, thanks to the lovely old lady, only felt a slight discomfort coming from where his wounds where, but no real pain.

And there were other rewards in his life as mummer, Jaime considered. Initially, the plan was to have Jaime serve at The Wall, but since he had no hands…

Anyway, Her Grace, in her infinite wisdom, had insisted Jaime to perform to the children at the nearby village during his training. The experience had healed some emotional wounds. After all the destruction he had witnessed, to see those smiles as he wiggled his long, yellow tail, and how the poor children  laughed when Jaime, dressed as the Lion King, jumped from a cardboard mountain, just to land on a make believe ant's nest, and started to frantically ask anyone to “ scratch him ,just a bit,plise?”

_Father would have hated it...he never smiled._

And judging by Tyrion´s outraged face, he was indeed, as Aunt Genna said once, Tywin Lannister´s true son.

 

***

“Your Grace...please...there is something else my brother could do?”

Tyrion had not only interrupted what would undoubtedly be a night well spent in the arms of Daenerys beloved nephew, but to speak about...the Lion King?

Had Lannisters not learned manners?

“Why are you complaining? He is alive, in good health and well fed. In case you had not noticed, your brother, a soldier, has no hands. I wanted to send him to The Wall, where he could be useful, but he would just be a nuisance there...this way, he at least works for his living…”

“You had him costumed as a Lion, Your Grace, walking on all fours, attempting to make Unsullied laugh! By the Seven, I tried once with Greyworm and _that_ did not end well!”

Daenerys could see this discussion was going nowhere.

“Missandei...please, could you ask the guard to bring _Simba_ here.”

 

***

Jaime was having dessert when the guard came for him.

From the door, he could hear the voice of his brother:

“His name is not Simba, Your Grace…”

Jaime was only allowed to wear his full costume when performing. In social occasions, he could wear his own clothes, as long as his head was covered with the long, luscious mane Her Grace had specially commissioned for him-a sign of great importance- and it was one of his many responsibilities to take care of his appearance, as Her Grace did not want people to see her “ Simba” as nothing less than the King he was!

At least this had been the explanation he received when Jaime asked why he had to walk around all day long wearing a Mane.

Tyrion almost died from apoplexy when the door opened.

Missandei had not helped matters, formally announcing the arrival of “ Simba, The Lion King of Pride Rock, cub son of Mufasa, Defeater of Scar, the Usurper.”

“Your brother is concerned about your current … _situation_.”

“I am proud to be the Lion King, Your Grace.”

Jon, like any other red blooded man, disliked being interrupted pre coitos- especially to discuss Jaime Lannister, the man who tried to murder his brother :

“ You are no King, Lannister, but a soiled Knight, a Kingslayer and Kinslayer.” He then turned to Daenerys, with pleading eyes. “ You see how Power hungry those people are? You gave him a title in jest, to humiliate him and he uses it with pride- he is probably too stupid to notice we are all laughing at him.”

“You do make a good point there...although...the children really like Simba...and I do not want to make children cry.”

The discussion was over- Simba had been saved.

 

***

Cersei had finally agreed to a parlay at the Dragonpit and sent missives to all the Seven Kingdoms, as it was expected from a Queen, granting the participants

immunity for the duration of the meeting and safe passage once they returned home.

Dorne answered her summons by sending a painting of Myrcella dying- with a note. “Fuck you, bitch.”

Cersei assumed it had been Ellaria Sand who wrote the message, just to be proved wrong. After being rescued, the woman freely admitted her many crimes, and suposedely, she told the dragonwhore that trying to avenge the death of her lover by killing his family had been “ a sin akin to kinslaying.”

She then entered a Motherhouse and was never heard from again.

“It is signed by Manfrey Martell, a cousin of the late Oberyn Martell, now Prince of Dorne since the main line died out.”

Cersei was disappointed to learn the man was not some old, impotent fool, but a vibrant man her age, married and with children of his own.

From The Vale, all she received was a very short note penned by Lord Arryn himself, where she read: “We sincerely hope the bad woman will fly. ”

“Stupid brat- it is probably all his fault anyway.”

Next came the answer from the little dove herself, Sansa Stark: “ The North sends a representant and Lady Bolton sends her regards.”

“Coward.” Cersei sneered. “ I hope she chokes on all that snow- the little bitch have always been trouble- poor Joffrey.”

Lady Olenna replied she was unable to attend since she was organizing  the wedding of Lord Leo Tyrell, her nephew by marriage, to Lady Desmera Redwyne, her granddaughter by blood and niece by marriage. She also added that “ her trust was with Her Queen, Daenerys of House Targaryen. Death to the Usurper, Kinslayer, Kingslayer, Cersei. PS: I killed Joffrey because there is no cure for being a cunt- Littlefinger helped.”

“And Jaime even wanted to spare her my wrath- the old cow will see.”

Lord Edmure Tully reply was more of the same: “ Busy cleaning the lands- Lannisters everywhere.”

Cersei took the hint: The North, Riverlands, The Reach, The Vale, Dorne, the Iron Islands- even Jaime- were in Daenerys Targaryen´s pockets.

But she was the one on the Throne and with all that wildfire.

“ I will burn them all!”

 

***

The game changed and became unpredictable once again.

Daenerys, however, was not a dumb blond; she had her Unsullied trained as snipers, had the Dragonpit all mapped out and , as usual, said nothing to her Lord Hand, who, as it turned out, was of better use to her drunken than he was sober.

“The package has arrived safely, Dany.” Jon said as he entered his betrothed´s chambers. It was early in the morning and Daenerys had just woken up - all that feasting had left her with a hangover.

“We are ready to go then...excited for your first dragon ride?”

Jon hesitated in getting closer to the dragons but, since he became...intimate with their mother, some of his fear had dissipated. He had been feeding Rhaegal for over ten days now and Daenerys insisted the giant beast was eager to “ bond” with Jon, his dreams being proof enough according to her.

“Don´t be afraid _Aeg_...err, I mean Jon...Rhaegal will love you, I am sure.”

Jon scratched his head, shut his eyes close, counted from one to five ten times, silently reminding himself that no, he did not fear Death- he had been there, done that, quite literally actually.

He came closer to Rhaegal who... _smiled_ at him?

Was he hallucinating already?:

“Well...I guess you _do_ like me.”

The creature nodded in response to the remark and, with an effortless move, offered Job his wing for him to climb.

Daenerys looked at the scene approvingly; Jon mounted Rhaegal, much to Viserion´s consternation and soon, all three were in the skies, fling to King's Landing, where shit was always about to hit the fan.

 

***

Cersei waited for the Targaryen whore and her allies to enter the big dome. She had all prepared- her men would rescue Jaime, they would lock everybody inside and set them ablaze.

She watched as the dragons landed near all the dragon bitch´s troops, too far from the Pit for her plan to work Cersei was getting anxious- had they seen through her ruse? She was used to fool Starks For breakfast, kill Tyrells for lunch, torture Tullys for dinner...why would the last Targaryen be any different?

“Why are they not inside, Qyburn? I thought you said they had agreed…”

“They had Your Grace...mayhaps they wait for you to get there before? “

Cersei took a deep breath- things were not working according to plan.

She would have to take a risk and improvise. “ Send one of our lackeys there and have them enter first- tell them I am afraid of the dragons.”

The man returned not five minutes later, the answer very clear:

“ They said they do not trust you. They demand you either enter the Dragonpit with them or suggest moving the meeting to a less dignified location since nobody accepted your invite.” The unnamed soldier pointed to a clearance about 100 meters away, at an even distance to both groups.

Cersei relented- she could go and complain about her legs and get them all to the dragonpit, where tents and refreshments waited. The meeting was sure to drag for hours…

 

***

The first thing Cersei noticed was that the Dragon Bitch dared bring her court fool to the meeting. “ I do not know how business are conducted at Meereen, but here we leave our jesters back home.”

Daenerys did not deign to answer- she had Tyrion for that:

“ Cersei, the man wearing the lion costume is Jaime… and he is not the Court fool, but...”

“An artist...I am an artist, Cersei. I play the part of Simba, the Lion King, which was especially written by Her Grace, Daenerys Targaryen, with me in mind and I am proud to say that I  bring happiness and joy to the lives of hundreds…after years of killing, I found out that I prefer to see the smiles of children than the bodies of my enemies.”

Cersei had come prepared to the sight of a beaten down, skin and bones, defeated Jaime, one who had survived numerous hours of torture just to be reunited with his true love...no to a manchild wearing furs, pretending to be a lion and worse- apparently liking it.

“Father always suspected you were not very.. _.smart_. “ Jaime had always been beautiful, perfect- just like her. She had loved him because she was her- but while she considered herself to be a lioness, she would never sink so low as to wear a fake mane, dress in a ridiculous costume and proclaim herself to be the Lion Queen. “ But he would never have thought you were insane!”

No, Cersei did not recognize this Jaime- and worse, she did not love him anymore. If much, she was actually regretting all those years they spent together...Jaime in furs made Robert Baratheon suddenly look not that bad...

Realization hit Cersei at once- the truth set her free. Tyrion was a dwarf, but Jaime was an idiot. She had children with an idiot and well...they had been born less than perfect : Tommen could barely read...Joffrey had a micro penis- the healers said it would grow to normal size, but never did- and Myrcella, the closest thing Cersei had ever had to a normal child- had a third nipple.

Cersei knew about the rumours of taking Moonboy as a lover- and now she wished it had been true.

“May I speak in private with...both my brothers?”

Daenerys had nothing against family reunions- and that promised to be one of the good ones.

“ Just follow my guards to that three other tree- you have my word the Dothraki do not speak the Common Tongue. You have five minutes.”

 

***

“What have they done with you? “

Jaime had expected this reaction. Cersei had always been dramatic and it did not come as a surprise that she was less than supportive of Jaime changing careers. “ I cannot be a soldier anymore...I kept thinking about our child- I could earn a good living as mummer...Braavos has a very rich theater culture and we coud…”

Even drunk as he was,Tyrion could still catch important details. “ Hold on...is Cersei pregnant again? At her age? With your child? Have you guys not learned anything?”

“Apparently not, seeing as if I am indeed pregnant.” Cersei had to focus- she had to find a way to win the Game of Thrones and she only have four more minutes to do it!

Unfortunately, Jaime wearing that awful mane and pretending to be a lion was proving to be too much of a distraction. “ We do not have time to talk about theater at Braavos! Our son is the heir to the Iron Throne...I cannot give up on that!”

“Cersei...you do not understand- the stories are really true. That is why they agreed with this parlay: to show you the wights!”

Again, Cersei could not listen to Tyrion´s pleas. Her eyes, ears and thoughts were all directed at Jaime, happily playing with his.. _.tail_.

“Cersei...Cersei...are you listening?”

 

***

“Well, let´s finally start this- please, bring us the wight.”

When Tyrion, as expected, suggested going Beyond the Wall, Daenerys laughed. “Nah... just send a raven to The Night's Watch and have them set some traps along the Wall. The Army of the Dead is sure to keep an eye on´their enemy, and they need to get closer to do so. Or I don´t know, just toss some dead body over there as a bait, and pull the thread as soon as it gets turned.”

Took only a couple of days for the plan to bear fruition and a man named Sandor Clegane, along with some bandits known as the Brotherhood without banners, brough the valuable cargo by ship all the way down south.

 

***

Cersei had refused to help if Jon did not bend the knee.

Daenerys seized the moment and acted on her plan A.

“Cersei of House Lannister has showed her true colours. “ Daenerys shook her head quite dramatically from left to right and back again, three time before saying “ _she is an enemy of mankind_ …”

 At the mention of the phrase and her head´s movement, the archers Daenerys had scattered all over the Dragonpit shot their target- and their target was Cersei.

Plan B was already underway, even though Plan A had worked. Daenerys summoned Drogon, who had been flying nearby.  The man they called The Mountain went berserk once Cersei´s lifeless body hit the ground and nobody could stop him- only a dragon would do. The repulsive Queensguard was teared into pieces by Drogon while Viserion quietly ate Qyburn- Rhaegal, under Jon´s influence, had become a brooding dragon and just watched his siblings wrecking havoc from the sidelines.

The remainder of the Queensguard just threw themselves at Daenerys feet and proclaimed. “ All Hail Queen Daenerys, the last Dragon!”

Jaime Lannister looked at the body in shock- his baby was dead!

Turning to Daenerys, he sadly announced his sister´s pregnancy.

The Dragon Queen feigned surprise. Cersei would lose the baby in about a couple of weeks anyway---wine, sugar and madness do not go well with pregnancy, it seemed...

However, Daenerys could not allow the Usurper´s death to taint her reputation- and made sure to remind everyone that Cersei had been the architect of her own demise. “ I came here in peace, but knowing full well I was to speak with someone used to treachery and political assassination, Diplomatic immunity regardless, I took my precautions. We all gave Cersei a chance not only to survive, but to fight with us and she refused. The fact that she was pregnant while refusing to help fend off an enemy which would bring destruction to all, regardless of gender, age or social standing, only confirms Cersei Lannister was not only unfit to rule, but she was also unfit to be a mother. The world is better without her. “

Her speech finished, Daenerys and Jon mounted on their dragons and flew to the Red Keep, leaving the Lion King, Jaime Lannister, to finally understand the true meaning of the circle of life.

  



End file.
